Ownership

I have decided to give up any thoughts of buying the Trek.  Before I went to sleep last night I asked for a sign to let me know which direction I should take regarding purchasing the Trek.  In Dreamtime I am shown that there is a problem with the windshield on the driver's side of the Trek and woke up this morning knowing that is not the direction I should be taking.  I still have a bit of a desire left, but the energy has become less and less.

And it also feels like very old energy.  I have undertaken a journey to free myself of possessions, that feeling that possessions own me.  If I commit to purchasing the Trek, this possession will own me, and all the stress that comes with it.   It feels that Minnie and I are in partnership, neither of us owning the other.  I create the sacred space which has become our home, and she keeps me dry, warm and protected.  I am not ready to part with this bond we have created.   Maybe some day, but not now.

Trek

Oh, boy, I have found a new home.  And so the dilemma begins...

Neighbor Maria is looking for a motorhome to replace her 5th wheel, something along the lines of Minnie, so we went RV browsing.  I found a really nice Class C Tioga which would be great for "some day" and she found a beautiful 21' Tioga that would be perfect for her needs.  I am happy with my "some day" and am encouraging her to buy the 21' Tioga since it is in immaculate condition and 21' motorhomes are extremely rare.  Should have stopped looking at that point.

 But, nooooo, we have to go to one more place and there it is, a 24' Safari Trek.  I am in love with the Trek.  The bed is recessed into the ceiling and by the push of a button lowers when it is needed.  This means you have a huge amount of living space when the bed is not lowered down.  And, the interior has lots of storage space and all these beautiful upgrades that have always made me drool when visiting Mary Ann's 29' Trek.  I was even considering the possibility of buying Mary Ann's Trek in the Fall if she decides to go off-road.  Twenty-nine feet is a lot of room for me, but I do so love these Treks that I am considering it.  Then, there it is, the rarest of beasts, a 2002 24' Trek, 67,000 miles, brand new tires, all the bells and whistles and just had a thorough maintenance.  The asking price is the same as my Tioga "some day", but I know Tiogas will be plentiful, but when will I ever find such a perfect Trek.  And, Maria says she will buy Minnie.

The problems begin when I think about financing.  I paid cash for Minnie and do I really want to take on monthly payments?  More money for insurance, a Class A versus a Class C, etc. etc.  But that Trek is so sweet and so mine. 

Tomorrow, I am gonna go for a test drive.

D-Day

Today my divorce became final.  I did not know this would be the day, but I also did know.  It rained and rained and rained this morning and so I knew this would be the day.  For me, rain and death always come at the same time, the skies open with tears and allow my tears to flow.  And then the sunshine comes.

Sunday in Eugene

I am up early again to meet dear friend Jan for breakfast.  Jan was my teacher for akashic clearings http://www.janharris.net/index.html  and we have been enjoying one another's company since our first meeting.  I ordered my favorite pacific coast breakfast of eggs benedict with salmon and we spent two hours catching up with one other.   She has recently returned from Buenos Aires and we compare and relate our travel experiences.  It feels so good to be with a kindred spirit and to speak the language we both understand.

Grandmother Agnes Baker is blessing the Willamette River so I show up for this ceremony later in the afternoon.  Grandmother Baker is one of  the 13 Indigenous Grandmothers so even though I have heard it all before, it feels important that I show up in respect and  support.  It is wonderful to see her again and I also reunite with 5 other women I know.  Good to see these women I feel I may never see again.  It also feels like we are being chastised for not "doing" enough and I am glad to release this energy, knowing I Am that I Am, and that is enough.

Saturday in Eugene

There are no pictures or videos that can capture the Eugene Saturday Market, probably no words that can capture it either, but I am going to give it a try.

The Eugene Saturday Market is a cornucopia of farmers selling organic produce, drummers and speeches in the Free Speech Plaza, live music on the outdoor stage, vendors selling food to make your mouth water, and countless artisans plying their trade.  It is a collection of auditory, visual and sensory energy that can't help but make your heart sing and your mouth smile.  Basically, it is a love fest and where I always want to be on any given Saturday in Eugene.

This past Saturday was no exception and Maria and I were up early and at the Market by 9:00 AM, pretty dang early for me:).  I usually go by myself, but having a new friend with me made the experience even more pleasurable, if that is possible.

We hit the farmer's market first, sampling organic goat and feta cheese, oh wait, here are some honey, nuts and berries to sample, and over here are some radishes you might want to sample.  An amazing visual display of carrots, beets, lettuce freshly picked this morning.  A photographer's delight...sorry I don't have my camera, but knowing I can't fully capture the energetic beauty of these earthly delights.

Next we walk among the artisans, stopping to talk with my friend Connie who does tarot readings and who was such an inspiration and teacher during my initiation with the Cards.  Seeing, smelling, talking, entering the realm of the Saturday Market.

The real lure has been a necklace I saw the week before and has continued to beckon me, a relentless siren.  I find the booth and my necklace is still there.  It is made of Mountain Mahogany with a malachite lizard  inlay.  I try it on, our energies meld, and it is mine.  I want to live in the energy of this booth and the artisan, he who has made this necklace and is such a man of the Trees.  His eyes sparkle, he knows and loves the world that I also know, and I want to rest within the roots of the Trees that speak to him.  It is an amazing bonding.  Maria must also feel the energy and she buys three of his necklaces.

We eat Rita's Burritos, enjoy the sunshine and savor the day.  We can't imagine there being anything better.

I have supported many of the artisans in Eugene, know where the fair trade stores are, and so our next stop is Greater Goods, my favorite place to buy just about anything.  I have spent so many dollars here they know me by name.  Maria buys some of their new consignment clothing and falls in love with a hat that is made of hemp and will respond to any shape she desires.  She is totally transformed by this hat.  I also find a hat that fits me, and suits me, and we both walk out with new hats. 

I promise I will post of a picture of us in our new hats and new jewelry.

Polo Shirt

Just got a call from Mt. Hood Village Resort, my summer employer, and I cannot believe my ears - my work attire is a polo shirt!  I am so NOT a polo shirt person, never have been, never will be.  It is provided by the resort and at least it is a color I can wear, forest green.

My next thought was, I have to buy a bra! So Maria and I are off to Costco to see if I can't find something to get me through the summer.  Next thing you know, I'll be in khaki pants and a ball cap.  It is really just too funny:).

Inspiration

It's funny how we become an inspiration to others, how in just leading our lives others observe and find a spark that lights a fire within them.

Earlier this week I bumped into a woman I knew from my time at the Tamarack pool in Eugene.  In that chance encounter, I listened to her story, shared mine, and was once again called "gutsy".  As I related my tales, I watched her transform before my eyes, excitement of a new life beginning to light within her, her smile broadening and life coming back into her eyes.  My life shining as an example of a possibility, that yes, there was a life beyond her current confines and if I could do it, so could she.

And now someone has just knocked on my door saying I am her heroine.  She remembers me from when I was here in October and she watched and envied me from afar.  She has thought of me all this time, wanting to know my story, wishing it could also be her story.  She is not living at the RV park right now, just visiting, but wants to share time with me and be feed these seeds of freedom.

I am happy to share my journey with these women, honestly relating the fear and courage it has taken to get me to this place.  Jump into the fire women, jump into the fire and be inspired.

Grounded

Serious case of wanderlust today, miss being on the road.  This is the longest I have spent in one spot and it gets harder by the day.  I have nothing against my neighborhood or neighbors, but I miss the excitement and adventure of traveling down the road, never knowing where I will end up.  I am missing stimulation.

My list is now down to haircut and oil/filter change for Minnie.  The rest of the time is just "filler".  Spouse came by today to pick up the divorce papers and hopefully he will sign and file them.  He has talked about re-crunching numbers which will delay a process I am so ready to be done with.   I am weary of the sense that men can so impact my life and am thankful for men-o-pause.  I want to be Me, fully and completely, and see where that leads me.  It has been a long detour into man-land, and I hope my tour is soon over.

The Family of Michael

My brother Michael was born with hemophilia.  He was also born the middle child, the only boy, with my older sister and I rounding out the trio.  He was born a Leo with a very tough fighting disposition and from stories that have been told, he also loved to smear his poop on the walls.  Not surprising that he would later become a well known potter.

While growing up my brother and I looked very much alike and were often mistaken for twins.  As with most things, we decided to make a game of it and I decided our names would be Monica, and Har-monica.  He has these amazing blue eyes which I am sure have made a few women swoon and it has always felt like a compliment when people said we looked so much alike.

At times my brother has been my tormentor, my hero, my antagonist, my sage, my saviour and my friend.  I don't know that it has ever been easy being his sister.  He has made countless trips to the hospital and recently I thought we might lose him to an infection that affected his heart and ultimately led to the amputation of his right leg.  When I went to visit him a year and a half ago we were both using canes as he was rehabilitating his right leg and I was rehabilitating my right ankle. It was my brother's turn to name us and we became the Cane family.

Through everything, my brother rarely loses his sense of humor and inevitably a crowd can be found gathered around him laughing at one of his stories.  He is a true southern gentle-man and even though he has not traveled extensively, the world has come to him.  They have come from all parts near and far to be in his presence, to enjoy his company, to learn the craft of turning clay into art and to share in his world which is so unique.

My brother has now been diagnosed with leukemia, the chronic variety, and it is hoped that with medication it will not progress to the acute variety.  He will deal with this the way he has always dealt with these physical challenges - with a joke, a laugh and a positive attitude.  He has already lived well beyond an age most hemophiliacs live and will be 60 in August.  Should be one hell of a party in August:).

Block Party

Oh be still my heart, my new friend Maria just came home with a new puppy!  It is a 12 week old female German Shepard, name of Lola, and I am just ecstatic that I will be an official Auntie for the next several weeks.  Worst of it is she took off to Portland today and won't be back until tomorrow.  Just a little tease and run:).  The white Bichon, Maggie, is a puppy mill rescue in need of lots of love and to be shown that life can be good.  Happy to give her lots of lap time.

Also on the agenda yesterday was a tour of homes.  A very unique Scamp 5th Wheel pulled in and we all had to have a viewing, even before they were officially set-up:)  The cabinets inside are all blond wood and the walls are carpeted throughout.  The space is a bit tight for me, but it is really a sweet little home on wheels.

Perfect time for me to also view the Air Stream that has been parked a few spaces down:






And, finally, here is the beautiful Trek that Mary Ann drives:

Ok, I am still trying to get the hang of blogging and posting pictures.  It feels a bit exhausting!

Flushing

So today was a new day, having its ways with me.

Rafe, my RV repair guy while in Eugene,  fixed what he believed to be the cause of the leakage and after caulking several different sections, I should be good to go.  We also talked about my concerns down the road, such as my battery and water heater, and those are also good for the time being.  Rafe told me the best thing I could do for my water heater is to do a yearly flush which flushes all the sediment that accumulates at the bottom of the water heating tank and showed me a flushing wand which would do the trick.  Basically, you attach the wand to a hose, put the wand in this hole, and flush away.  Seemed simple enough.

Well, not so simple!  First of all, there is this plug in the hole that needs to be removed with the use of a socket.  Didn't have such a thing.  So I trotted down to Mary Ann to see if she had sockets, which she did, but not the size we needed.  While we were trying to figure out our next move, my neighbor once removed, there is no one on either side of me at the moment, came home and we started up some conversation which led to her checking to see what tools she had on hand.  She had a full supply of sockets, but none of them were large enough.  Good news is the conversations with her led to the knowledge that she is a solo woman from Colorado and I am looking forward to some fun party time with her:).   Bad news is, we had to go on a search for a larger socket. 

Mary Ann and I finally ended up at a discount auto supply store and with the help of a friendly store clerk, and an even nicer discount (pays to be a woman in these type of stores:)), I now have a 7/8" socket, an extender and that thingey that the socket goes into (can't remember its name at the moment).  And, I have a flushing wand, which also took a couple of trips to find a store that sold one.  Why can't anything be easy????

The actual flushing of the water heater is pretty easy, once you have all the tools.  I am now all set up for the yearly flush,  learned a lot today, made a new friend and my water heater is sediment free.   Yep, the day had its way with me......again.

Leakage

I sold and donated the last bits from the storage bin.  Then I decided I would wade through my jewelry and send some to a friend of mine who has recently opened up a consignment store in Missoula, MT.  That is when I discovered the over the cab leakage that has damaged some of my "things", so it looks like I will be parting with even more of my possessions.  At this point, I feel the need to shave my head, don sandals and a robe and become a monk.  I am tired of being continually stripped bare and am ready to give it all up and be done with it.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.  I haven't decided yet.

Paperwork

Today is a new moon, a time of new beginnings.

I have signed my last joint tax return, sent in the final papers to Mt. Hood and signed and had notarized the dissolution of marriage papers.  It has been a bit of an emotional day for me, recognizing the finality of the life I once led.  Even though I have been separated for seven months, most of my adult life has been interwoven with the life of my former partner. Not such an easy pattern to break.

Batteries

I am tired today.  It feels like my Energizer Bunny batteries are sputtering, in need of recharging.  Also needing recharging was my Dust Buster and my camera, which was inadvertently left on for several hours when I dashed out to have dinner with Mary Ann.  The camera and Dust Buster are now more functional, but I am still in the process of being re-energized.

I defrosted the fridge today.  I don't have a hairdryer so used the tried and true method of a table knife and a hot pot of water. Seems to have worked and that is one more thing I can check off from my list of things to do.  I also went shopping yesterday and bought more face soap and a swimming suit that should last through the summer season.  Two more things to check off the list.  This list of mine seems to go on and on.  No wonder I feel so drained.

I heard from Sherita today and she and Greg have stumbled into a workamper position in Perdido Key, Florida.  I was in Perdido Key for Christmas and know the exact place where they are staying and it is a great park.  Check it out:  http://www.playadelrio.com/.   If they are still there in the winter, I will be heading their way.  Actually, no matter where they are come this winter, I may be heading their way.  I would love to see them again.

Mary Ann

I met Mary Ann the first day of my new RV life.  As my life would have it, she was working in the office of the Deerwood RV Park when I first pulled in and I was in such total emotional turmoil.  She helped me set up for the first time, walked me through all the steps, and eased me through the transition.  She was Mother Mary for me that day.

She is now back at the park for a few weeks and it has been wonderful to see her again, share our stories, pictures and laughter.   She has a workamper position at the Oregon coast for the summer beginning May lst
so we are both in the same process of cleaning up all the details of our lives before the busy summer begins.

It is not often I meet other solo women living this lifestyle so I am savoring any time we have together. 

Writing

I was going to write my first book by the time I was 16.  It is the only dream I can remember of what I wanted to do and be.   That book never got written and I put aside the dream and stopped writing for a very long time.

I did start to write book a few years back when I needed to put down in words all the experiences of my time with the Tree.  Once I started writing, I realized all the experiences that led up to my time with the Tree also needed to be woven into the story and it just became too big for me to hold onto.  I couldn't live in the present moment and the past at the same time.  There are too many moment to moment, day to day insights coming through to be able to hold onto the moment that has just passed.  So I put it aside.

 Some days I wake up and there is a story that will not rest until I have released it to this blog.  In my mind the story has already been written and there is a need to release it through my fingertips.  If it is not released, there is an energetic dam that is built and the water of my thoughts will keep relentlessly  pounding against it until I finally give in and allow the words to come forth.  There have been times when I have resisted sharing my inner landscape, and other times I have written things in different venues that I knew would cause major dissension.  It is my truth, no one else's, but sometimes I absolutely must share or face my own consequences.

So, I am thanking all of you have followed along and read my words. I have tried to remember what my friend Romaine told me, "write for yourself", so that I do not lose myself.  Sometimes it is very tempting to hold back and make it more of a "normal" blog about living and traveling in a motorhome, and some days are like that,  but then there are days like today when I allow more intimacy -    in-to-me-see.

And then I just hit the publish post button and move on.

Shades and Blinds

My day/night shade was finally repaired today.  I have been propping the shade open with a wooden dowel for over a month now, so having it functional again feels wonderful.  It cost more to have it repaired than the price originally quoted, forgot about the cost for the thread, but the price was well worth it since he came to me, fixed it right there in his van, and reinstalled the shade.  Took less than an hour.  And, he also threw in a jar of his homemade strawberry/blueberry jam.  What a deal:).

I  also ordered the part necessary to keep my mini-blinds secure while riding down the road so I won't have to listen to that pesky noise anymore.  Motorhomes do a lot of shaking and shimmying going 60 miles an hour down the road and pieces break, come unglued, unscrewed and unplugged.  You never know what it might be until something mysteriously no longer works.  And it really doesn't matter the year, make or cost of the RV, these beauties are very high maintenance.

In Love

I am back in love with myself, and it feels so good:).  It feels as though I  lost some of my essence since returning to Eugene, having lost a piece of my authentic self, and it has now returned.  Don't know why it went, where it went or even why it has now returned, all I know is that it has  returned from its journey and I feel a wholeness that was missing.  Yea, it feels good to be back.

The rains finally let up and there was sun and goodness this day.  I spent the day in the world of "busy-ness".  Got myself an electric screwdriver because the work that I needed to do on Minnie needed such a thing,  checked out another RV park 10 minutes from here that has a much cheaper monthly rate, went to my favorite RV repair store (my favorite because they have a huge assortment of supplies and talk me out of things I really do not need:)), cleaned, purged and up-graded Minnie.  I also found someone who can repair the blind that lost its string and will actually come to me!  So that was all very productive.

My friend Sandra came to Minnie for the first time and it was wonderful to spend some time with her catching up and reconnecting.  I forgot to take a picture of her with my new digital camera, but her website is http://www.sandranwheeler.com/_pages/about.html.  She is an amazing shamaness and it has been my pleasure to know her as my friend since I first arrived in Eugene.

The moment Sandra left my friend Caroline called.  She is my Sister from the galaxy far, far away.  We understand one another on a level that no one else will ever comprehend.  She is my closest neighbor in whatever world it is that we come from.

So, it has been a wonderful world today.  Good weather, good friends, good life.

Gypsies

The Gypsies are gathering.  I know this with everything that I am.  I am one, and I have met others.

The Gypsies that are gathering are those that were once ancient E-gyptians.  These Gypsies were charged with the task of carrying the ancient mysteries out of Egypt into the vast corners of the world and we have been around for a very long time.  We travel, we meet, we seek and we share.  We may have forgotten exactly what our original mission was, but that seed remains deeply within our being and we must follow our journey or die incomplete within ourselves.  The North Star is our internal compass and it is the pull that leads us ever forward.  It is our joy.

Busy

Took the day off yesterday, Easter Sunday, and happily watched lots of movies.  Nothing like Netflix!  So today I made up for it and accomplished lots of this "busy-ness".

First on the agenda was going to the post office to pick up my new digital camera.  Thank you Herbie for this wonderful new addition!  My pet name for my father has been Herb, Herbie, Herbie Sherb since I was an adolescent so this  is the wonderful individual who sent me this most awesome camera, of which I am most appreciative. My dad is an amazing photographer so, of course, he would send me a wonderful camera.  I couldn't fully appreciate all those times he took volumes of pictures of me, OMG, stop with the pictures!, but with age I have come to appreciate his eye for seeing things and am thankful he has recorded some of my history, or her-story.  His vision has been a constant source of enlightenment and I did well in picking my paternal influence:).

Next I was off to Office Max to get a camera case, then to the grocery store for a baguette and some home made split pea soup, then to fill up some water containers and a well deserved soy latte (which came with a free newspaper) and finally back "home", to my Minnie sanctuary.  Had to play with my camera for a bit:), two loads of laundry, a shower for me and updated my workamper resume.  Looks like my workamper job at Mt. Hood, Oregon is now official as they are sending me my "new hire" paperwork, so it felt like a good time to update my resume for the Fall/Winter season.  Just yesterday I received a call about potential employment so it became very clear that I needed to update my resume.  Excited about Mt. Hood and all the opportunities that will be available in the next season.

As of April 1st, the rates have gone up substantially where I am staying so that will have to be looked into, do I stay or do I go?  Where will I stay until my May 15th date of employment?  That is on the back burner for now as tomorrow there is more "busy-ness" on the agenda.

Camera

Just got myself a digital camera so checking to see how the uploads go....

Avalanche

Wow, what a week it has been.  It has been an avalanche of non-stop problems, details, detours and up-grades.

My laptop got a serious virus so I have been without computer access since Tuesday morning, not a happy experience!  It feels as though I lost my eyes and my voice during that time.  I missed being able to share my experiences, vent when needed and worst of all, it felt like not being able to write was like loosing my best friend.  I went to a drum circle last night, Friday, and when asked to put an expression of ourselves into the circle, mine was swirling Void.  That about sums it up:).  If I were to enter an expression into the circle right now, it would be Bliss.  I feel so blissful right now to be back online, to have my voice back, and to know I have weathered this storm that trapped me in a thick whiteness where it was hard to breathe and I was not sure when I would be able to resurface.

During the week there were numerous other problems, most of them unseen and unknown until they were squarely in my face.  I have not felt like this since the last time I was in Eugene and was dealing with contractors, electricians, painters, inspectors.  Tying up the loose ends of a previous lifetime is like rebooting a computer's hard drive, a tedious, lengthy procedure.  Patience and courage my constant watch words.


I read four books during my time without internet, threw away the bed over the cab and replaced it with canvas storage bins, fumed and fussed, cleaned and altered.  It is a new beginning as I prepare to live with no extraneous baggage weighing down my tail feathers, freeing myself for the flight before me.


And, oh, the dreams, insights and downloads have been amazing.  Don't know where I am going, but it is surely upon us.:)