The Aspect Of My Life

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Back at my Mom's

After a couple days in Mesa, I am back at my mom's house.  Dan is much more mobile and we are all hoping that after his doctor's appointment on Wednesday he will be cleared to drive and we can all return to our respective lives.

Ken returned to the park after surgery.  I worried about him so much I probably suffered a worse night than he did.  He now has a pin in his thumb but should be good as new.  He has a doctor's appointment on Thursday.

Paranoia continued to surround me so to ease my mind I visited a Minute Clinic to have my face assessed.  I was reassured that the face looks fine, that even though the glands still felt tender they were not swollen and to just give it a few more days.  I feel I can finally lay it to rest and trust it will not return.  What a ride!

It reminds me once again that life changes in an instant.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Back in Mesa

It is good to be back home, safe and secure within the sacred space of Minnie.  It feels peaceful, serene and comforting. 

I felt the need to do much clearing and cleaning.  I cleaned out the fridge, burned incense, liberally applied essential oils and sprayed sacred water throughout Minnie.  I brought out my charts and pendulum and spent time in the akashic field clearing and aligning.  I spoke to my friend Carolyn and with her help I was able to get some clarity and easily enter into a deep meditation for further assistance.  It is good to be reminded of the times upon us and the times ahead of us and to remember I am not alone.

I was looking forward to seeing Ken and Gloria and called them soon after arriving back in Mesa.  A few hours later Gloria called to say she was in the emergency room, Ken has accidentally cut off his thumb.   Last I heard he was in surgery and I have been taking their dog out for walks.  I don't want to bother them and have not called again, but I am concerned and want to know that everything is all right.

There have been too many visits to the hospital these past few weeks.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

One of those Days

I am having an emotional day.  All I want to do is cry.  I am not sure where all these emotions are coming from, are they mine or is there something much bigger that is affecting me?

It has physically been a challenging week and my face has still not completely healed.  I miss my son.  I miss the life I was living before this infection invaded my life.   I am concerned that I have no workamping job for the summer and the emergency room bills look to be quite substantial.

I am trying to swim out from under these emotions, replacing fear with joy.  It is a choice, but sometimes takes more effort than other times. 

It is just one of those days.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Breath of Life

While in the throes of facial cellulitus, I gave over to my physical body.  I also allowed myself to contemplate what it would feel like to exit this earthly plane, to perhaps take advantage of this opportunity and release my human form.

I wondered what it would feel like, what would I miss, was there anything left undone or yet to experience.   Strangely, I felt no strong resistance to stay, or to go.  What did happen is that the Breath of Life came through in a powerful way.

I don't have words to describe my personal experience with the Breath of Life.  I don't know if it is god/goddess, Universe, Spirit, Star Dust.  The best I have ever been able to describe it is a cosmic orgasm, with the next step beyond that a return to the Breath that gave us life.  It came into my life one day, unbidden and unexpected, opened all my chakras, and pulsed me into an expansive state.  It was a feeling of total ecstasy that is beyond description and its presence has never left.  I ask for this presence whenever I feel the need for it or when I bring my touch during a cranial session.

I was only semi-conscious when it came through the other night.  It felt as if Merlin filled my entire body, swooshing through the halls of my inner chambers, tossing out all the darkness and filling the corridors with Light.

I knew the decision had been made and I was going to stay.

I've Seen Better Days

The infectious war on my face seems to have ended and the battlefield is slowly returning to normal.  I am pleased that it looks like there will be no permanent scarring and a good facial should get it back to its previous condition.  Whew, what a ride.

While helping Dan into bed I cracked something in my back so it is still a bit sore on the left side.  I find comfort from heat, correct position and ibuprophen but it is just one more physical discomfort to deal with.  The pills continue to wreck havoc with my stomach and bowels.  Let's just say I have seen better days:).

My mom and I did get out yesterday and went to the nail salon.  I had the pleasure of a manicure by the same woman who gave me a pedicure last time I was in town.   I think the last time I had a manicure was almost 40 years ago so it was a rare treat and I spend lots of time admiring my nails.

The woman having her nails done in the chair next to me had facial cellulitus two months ago.  For something I had never heard of before last week, there sure seem to be lots of people who have had cellulitus in one form or another. 

How bizarre, how bizarre.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Dan the Man

Just released from the hospital today, and he is moving faster than me:).  Can't keep a good man down.

'Nother Day

New day and my face very slowly continues to improve.

Dan is home from the hospital so now everybody is back under one roof.

Time for a nap.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

My Life

This was my day today:

Got up around 8:30 AM. Checked my face.  Seems to be better.  Ate a piece of bread with peanut butter on it so I could take my two antibiotics and hopefully avoid the constant nausea I have been experiencing.  Took a pain pill and went back to sleep until around 10:30 AM.

Had coffee and Motrin and as much food as I could stomach.

Drove to the hospital around 12:30 PM.  Chatted with Dan and then he and I both took naps.

Got back to my mom's house around 3:30 and drank lots of fluids.  Took a nap.

Had some dinner and took my second antibiotic dose of the day.

Hoping to be able to stay awake for a few more hours.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Back to the ER

My face continued to swell and the redness continued to spread.  As much as I resisted, I was concerned enough to make a return trip to the ER.  This time we went to a different hospital just in case I would need to stay overnight.  My mom thought it best to have me and Dan at least in the same hospital:).

For this visit I saw an actual doctor and she prescribed a stronger antibiotic which I am now taking along with the other antibiotic.  This doctor was beautiful, I told her I loved her (yes, I really did:)) and she also emphasized the need to watch for any further swelling and spreading, telling me to come back tonight if necessary.  She also told me she did not want to "cut my face", so that is enough incentive to keep a close watch and not take any chances if it looks to be getting worse.

So I am now taking two antibiotics, pain meds, anti-nausea meds and ibuprofen and I was finally able to eat something.  Feeling the best I have felt in a few days, I think the food helped, and off to the hospital again tomorrow.  Seems to be my new residence.

Urgent Care

It started with a red nose.  I woke up on Friday with a bulbous nose, red, tender and swollen.  Made the standard jokes about having an alcoholic nose and continued on with life as usual.

When I awoke Saturday morning this red rash had spread considerably.  It was alarming enough that even before making my bed I walked across the street to Urgent Care.  Good news was that it was an infection, bad news was that because it was on my face and spreading rapidly I would need IV antibiotics instead of the oral prescription I was hoping for.  Dang, how do I get myself to the hospital???

The *plan* for the weekend was that my mom was coming to get me on Sunday so I could be available when her partner has hip replacement surgery on Monday.  So with a quick change of plans they picked me up an hour later and we headed to the hospital.

It takes a lot for me to enter a hospital.  I don't have much faith in the traditional medical model and emergency rooms are the worst unless it is truly an emergency.  However, when I asked the nurse practitioner at Urgent Care what would happen if I didn't seek treatment, her response was "you could die".   Not a bad way to go, but it still had the desired effect and I once again entered the dreaded medical conveyor belt.

I slowly moved from waiting room to waiting room, getting blood work and even a cat scan.  I opted out of a tetanus shot but they were fairly persuasive regarding the cat scan.  The cat scan did rule out an abscess, but it was a totally bizarre experience and I voiced my concern that shooting iodine into your body can't be a good thing.

I spent five hours in the emergency room, mostly waiting, and was so happy to have my mom and Dan to spend the time with me.  I was not allowed to eat or drink and towards the end I was starting to get a bit irritable.  I was sent home with oral antibiotics with strict instructions to return to the hospital for IV antibiotics if the redness or swelling increased.  The diagnosis was facial cellulitis.

So here I sit at my mom's with a particularly nasty looking face and taking oral antibiotics.  Dan has been taking pictures so we can objectively review the status of my face which is a good thing because I can hardly stand to look at myself in the mirror.  It will take a lot to get me back to the hospital.

And tomorrow we go to a different hospital to begin the waiting game all over again but this time it will be Dan instead of me.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Twilight Zone

One of my favorite TV shows growing up was the Twilight Zone.  How could you not love a show that was in black and white and asked you to expand the consciousness of your mind, to journey into "the dimension of imagination".  And my favorite episode was Time Enough at Last.

It was the ironic twist at the end that left such a lasting impression.  I struggled with its after effects and lay sleepless at night wondering what such a world would feel like, to be so totally alone, isolated, as I tried to create a different scenario.

It feels a bit like that now as I have piles of books waiting to be read.  Just like the episode, I want to create stacks of them, but I also want to smell them and breathe them in, journey into the dimension of the imagination, never to return.  Time enough at last to read with no interruptions, nothing to pull me away, only the sun and sparkling swimming pool as diversions.  Like Mr. Bemis, I am a Reader.

Time at last...

Monday, February 7, 2011

Falling into a Book

With all this new time on my hands I have fallen deeply into a book and find it a challenge to resurface. 

It has been some time since I had the luxury, and the book, that would take me so deeply into a foreign land and hold me rapt, dreading the day it will end.  Luckily I just discovered she has written several other books so my amazon shopping cart is now brimming with more books to purchase.

A time-travel romance novel in the Celtic lands.  Is it any wonder I have fallen into its spell.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Lights Out

Yesterday was Lunar Imbolc, a time to celebrate new beginnings, new life.  The light becomes stronger as we begin to move out of the dark winter months and I had plans to light candles in celebration of the coming times.

What did happen was the particular section of the park I am living in lost electricity for approximately 10 hours.  So, yes, I did light candles, a few more than I had intended.  Candles lit the interior and warmed the chilly night.  At some point I did run the generator and turn on the light switches, but during that sweet time of candles and warmth it took me beyond the modern conveniences and into a closer alignment with nature, always just a flick of the switch away.

I also experienced one of the worst headaches of my life.  I was in such pain I was tempted to jab a knife into my skull just to make the pain go away.  I did try everything else I could think of and eventually the throbbing ceased and the Tylenol PM kicked in and I was able to sleep it away.

I hope it stays so far away that it never comes back.