A black hole is threatening to swallow me. I know it is not mine, but it is swirling around me like a dark tornado, trying to pull me down into its depths. I want it to leave and never come back.
I received a call from a friend of my ex-husband. She is concerned that he has been drinking for 48 hours, knows he has recently been ill and is concerned about his nutrition. She is also concerned that he may be contemplating suicide. She does not know that he is an alcoholic, that he has been slowly killing himself for years, and has already been in such a dark place that he had a gun to his head. He gave her my phone number, as well as Ben's, as these are the only people he has in his life. She is stunned when I reaffirm that yes, we are the only people in his world. That is one of the consequences of his alcoholism.
I don't know what to do, how can I be sucked back into this dark hole when it has taken all my courage to extract myself. I can't save him, and it is the hardest thing I have had to bear in my life.